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Bible Study Discussions with Gary Panell

Question:I was married to a man who called himself a Christian and who ended up beating me all day. I asked for help and we got separated for one year. I accepted him back, because he said he was now a new man and also because of our two boys. He continued to beat on all of us. We got divorced. I found this man to whom I am married now and we are truly happy. We are a real family. The children are great and we attend a local Christian church always with a great joy in our hearts. My question is: am I living in sin? Thanks

Answer: The short answer to your question is ‘NO’ you are not living in sin! The reason I say this is because, yes, a person is committing adultery when they leave their spouse and marry another without Scriptural grounds, but that does not mean that they are living in sin every day after that for the rest of their lives. Also, I cannot comment on whether you did have other reasons for divorce other than the physical abuse because you have not told us about this. However, even so you would not be expected by God to stay in an abusive condition, but this would not constitute a basis for remarriage except for infidelity on his part.

I am not, of course advocating divorce, but once the divorce has taken place and a person has moved on and remarried you cannot go back to your former spouse. That would be a serious mistake! St. Paul says we are to forget those things that are behind and go on with our lives living for Jesus. “Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do , forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13-14) We live every day looking forward, not back!

If you remarried without Biblical bases, I believe you committed that ‘one’ act of adultery, but that does not continue after that. Jesus did not say a person is ‘living in adultery, but that they commit adultery when they remarry, except for the reason of sexual immorality. “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries commits adultery, and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:19)

In saying this, again, I am in no way endorsing or condoning the divorce and remarriage. However, once that has taken place, we cannot look back as Paul makes abundantly clear. We need to move on with our lives. When we have sinned we ask God’s forgiveness and we get up and go on. It is kind of like a child that falls, what would we think if they didn’t pick themselves up and keep going? No, they have to get up and start again. That is what 1 John 1:9 is all about: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)

I want to give you here something else I have written in response to another question that is similar to yours.

Question: My family believes that if you divorce for any reason and remarry another, you are living in sin. That I also believe, but the confusing thing [that] I cannot get them to see is if that divorced person now gets saved [they shouldn’t go back to the first husband or wife.] They believe that that person should go back to the first wife or husband. Now that I am wiser and reading my Bible I see nothing in the Bible that supports that. How can I get them to see that two wrongs don’t make it right?

Answer: The Scripture you are probably looking for to support your case about not going back to marry the one you divorced after you have remarried is: “When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man’s wife if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD… (Deuteronomy 24: 1-4a)

The other thing I would like to talk about though is that when you say that there is never a reason for divorce and remarriage, this is just not correct. Jesus said that a person may get a divorce when there is sexual immorality. “But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.” (Matthew 5:32) The point is that anyone who divorces someone except for sexual immorality is sinning. However, if there is sexual immorality the person sinned against can divorce and remarry without sinning, or else why would Jesus say except for sexual immorality? He would have just said if a person divorces and remarries they are committing sin. That does not mean, of course, that they have to remarry, but if they do they have not sinned according to Jesus.
I hope this helps,

Gary T. Panell

The Scripture used in this discussion is taken from the New King James Version of the Holy Bible.

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