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Answer: First of all, pray together and separately to make sure that God wants you to be together. Since you have gone out for so long, it just may be habit. If God has truly provided you a job in Ohio and has called you there, then it is important that you follow His will for your life.
Being engaged is not the same as being married. If you were married, then the passage in Ephesians about submission would apply. God is not going to have you two get married and then live in different states. Therefore, either God is not calling you to get married, or one of you needs to give up their desire to live in one or the other state.
Why does your girlfriend want to stay in California? Does she have some valid reasons? Why do you want to live in Ohio? Is it just the job? Is this a job you could find in California?
If God has truly called you to be a couple, then the book of Ruth would apply. Even though this is a passage about a mother and daughter-in-law, it is often used in weddings. This is a beautiful picture of the commitment God intends between a husband and wife in marriage. Read the whole book of Ruth, and see how God’s plan was fulfilled in a beautiful way in Ruth’s life.
16 But Ruth said: "Entreat me not to leave you, or to turn back from following after you; for wherever you go, I will go; and wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. 17 Where you die, I will die, and there will I be buried. The Lord do so to me, and more also, if anything but death parts you and me." (Ruth 1: 16-17)
Another passage you should look at would be I Corinthians 13. This passage describes what true love is.
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.
4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.
11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
Remember, when you get married, God tells the wife to submit to her husband. That does not mean that the husband gets anything and everything he wants and the wife just says, “Yes, dear.” It means that an honest discussion takes place and when a disagreement cannot be solved, then the husband needs to make a decision that is in the best interest of the family. The husband will then stand before God and answer for those decisions he makes.
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:22-24)
Before a wife is able to submit, I believe that the husband needs to love his wife just like Jesus loved us and gave His life for us. The husband is to have a sacrificial love for his wife, even to the point of giving up his life for her, if need be.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:25-33)
If one of you is not willing to compromise on this issue, then it is best to know this before the wedding takes place. Otherwise, you will both be miserable. If it is God’s will for you to be married, then either God will provide you a job in California or He will make your girlfriend willing to move to Ohio. Continue to pray and seek God’s will for your life.
In Christian love,
Marlene Panell
The Scripture used in this discussion is taken from the New King James Version of the Holy Bible.
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To view other questions visit our Interactive Bible Study Page or read some of our Christian Literature at Bible-Christian.org
Keywords: marriage, submission, separation, living separately