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Answer: I am trying to understand why a man and a woman would want to get married if they do not plan on living together. Marriage is a commitment to each other. It is hard work to have a successful and happy marriage. Both must “be” there in order to work at the marriage.
After God created woman, God stated that a man and woman were to become one flesh. It is a little hard to understand how they can be one flesh, if the man and woman are living several hundred, if not thousands of miles apart.
23 And Adam said: "This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:23-24).
Naomi and Ruth were a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but Ruth is often quoted during a wedding ceremony as to what a husband and wife’s attitude should be toward each other in their marriage. They should desire to be together.
16 But Ruth said: "Entreat me not to leave you, Or to turn back from following after you; For wherever you go, I will go; And wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. 17 Where you die, I will die, and there will I be buried. The Lord do so to me, and more also, if anything but death parts you and me." (Ruth 1:16-17)
God would not allow a newly married man go to war. God knew the man would be distracted because he would be thinking about and desiring his wife. "When a man has taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war or be charged with any business; he shall be free at home one year, and bring happiness to his wife whom he has taken. (Deuteronomy 24:5)
The first couple of years are crucial to the bonding of a husband and wife into a family unit. God does allow for short absences from each other. These are to be short, and agreed upon absences.
It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (I Corinthians 7:1-5)
God’s intentions for marriage, from the beginning, was so man would not be alone. And the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." (Genesis 2:18) I do not see where a long distance marriage would keep this man from being alone, or how this woman could be a helper to him from such a distance.
Marriage is also for sexual fulfillment. A long distance marriage would create a lot of temptation for sexual immorality. A man’s desire should be toward his wife, and a woman’s desire should be toward her husband.
If it is God’s will that these two people are to be married, then their desire should be to live together. If that desire is not there, then I would question if they should be together or if they have a true love for each other.
Perhaps this couple should review I Corinthians 13 together to see if they have this kind of love for each other.
Again, I need to ask the question why a man and woman would get married, if they do not have intentions of living together.
You can read an answer on a related discussion question about Getting married, but not wanting to move to another state.
I hope this answers your question and the questions this young couple has.
In Christ,
Marlene
The Scripture used in this discussion is taken from the New King James Version of the Holy Bible.
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Keywords: marriage, authority, living apart, engaged